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If your child is too anxious to go to school

Why is my child anxious about school?

These anxieties can stem from a number of things such as:

  • An unmet special educational need such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia or dyspraxia
  • Friendship issues, not 'fitting in', or bullying
  • Finding schoolwork confusing and overwhelming
  • Separation anxiety
  • Trauma
  • Bereavement
  • Low self-esteem
  • The environment itself - especially for those who are autistic and/or neurodivergent

A child might become anxious about school at any stage.  It can occur when children start school or transition into secondary school, or it might be related to puberty or hormonal changes.

What are the warning signs? 
  •  Can you spot patterns in your child's absence from school? (eg. certain days or activities)
  • Does your child regularly say they don't want to go to school?  Does he/she regularly seem reluctant to go or seems to be delaying going to school? 
  • Does your child struggle with changes to the environment, routine or stimulus? 
  • Are there physical symptoms on school days - eg. tummy aches, feeling sick, headaches? (nb. always check with your GP to rule out any medical causes).

What can I do to help?

Here are some options available to help you if your child or young person is struggling to attend school:

 

Speak to your school

1. Ask for a meeting with someone at your child's school - this might be their class teacher, form tutor, the SENCo or the pastoral lead.

2. Go prepared. Make notes beforehand about the things your child is finding difficult. Talk to the school about whether they've noticed any changes in your child, or know of anything they're finding challenging at school.

3. Work together to get to the bottom of any issues.  If you have concerns about bullying, speak to the school about their anti-bullying policy.  Ask them to assess your child if you think there may be an unidentified SEND need causing the anxiety. The EBSNA framework (pdf 2.7mb) has been written for schools and is designed to help them understand and address the emotional factors behind school non-attendance. 

4. Work together to identify things that might help your child and agree a plan for next steps (eg. arriving at school earlier when it's quieter, identifying a safe space they can go to, linking your child with a buddy). If your child already has an identified SEND, talk to your school about any reasonable adjustments they may be able to put in place.  By including your child's voice in the plan, they may be more likely to stick to it.

5. Check in. Leave some time to try out the new strategies and then speak to school again to discuss whether these are working, and how they might be adapted. 

6. If the strategies are not working, work with the school to identify other services and professionals that might be able to support your child. For example, your SENCo may be able to refer your child to a Mental Health Support Team. They can provide help and advice for children who are struggling to attend school. 

Who can support me and my family?

When your child is struggling to attend school, it can have an impact on the whole family.  There are many organisations in Hertfordshire who can help by offering free support and advice. 

Support Groups and Networks

Reaching out to other parents who have lived experience is often where parents find the most valuable support. Many of the voluntary organisations in Hertfordshire offer an advice line, or run support groups or online meetings where parents can share experiences and ask for advice.  Find more information about Support Groups in Hertfordshire. 

Mental health services

You can find information and services to support emotional wellbeing on our Mental Health and Wellbeing page.

Advice Lines

These Advice Lines can offer a listening ear from someone with lived experience. They can help you with guidance, reassurance, and practical strategies to help you to support your child or young person. 

The Neurodiversity Support Hub

If you feel that your child's anxiety might be due to their autism or ADHD (even if this is undiagnosed), you can get some advice from parents with lived experience at the Neurodiversity Support Hub.

01727 833963
Mon, Weds, Fri: 9am - 1pm
Tues, Thurs: 9am - 3pm
Wed eve: 7pm - 9pm (by appt)
email: supporthub@add-vance.org

Young Minds parent helpline

Young Minds run a parents help line offering tailored information, advice and support to parents and carers who are concerned about their child or young person’s mental health. You can speak to them over the phone, or chat to them online.

0808 802 5544
Mon, Thurs, Fri: 9.30am - 4pm 
Tues, Weds: 9.30am - 6pm 

SPACE Hertfordshire helpline

SPACE's SEND family support workers are there to help you navigate particularly challenging periods or situations. When you have a child with SEND, or are beginning to feel that they may have additional needs, sometimes a listening ear is just what you need.

Book a 25 min telephone appointment with their family support team for bespoke advice and guidance 

Book a telephone appointment

Angels Support Group

Angels provide individualised, professional expertise and advice for the families of autistic children and children with ADHD (and those awaiting diagnosis). They offer parent support group meetings, and 1 to 1 support for your family. 

01462 685150
info@angelssupportgroup.org.uk

ESMA

The Education Support for Medical Absence (ESMA) team support pupils who have had, or are expecting to have, significant time off school due to a physical or mental health condition. Their aim is to help children continue their education around their needs and work towards getting them back into school life.

Attendance team

It's natural to be concerned if your case gets referred to a Local Authority Attendance Officer (LAAO).  However, they will always try to work with parents to resolve any difficulties that are preventing a child’s regular attendance at school. Their involvement is a process of assessment and planned targeted interventions to address issues and improve attendance. 

Independent organisations who can help

SENDIASS

Provide impartial and confidential information, advice and support to parents and carers of children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND)

Define Fine

Peer support for parents and carers whose children are experiencing school attendance difficulties.

Not Fine in School

NFIS aims to support children and their families struggling with school attendance, and raise awareness of their experiences.

Young Minds

Young Minds are a charity supporting young people with mental health and offering advice for parents and carers. They run a free parents advice line.

Page was last updated on: 09/06/2026 16:05:03