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Behaviours that challenge

Some children and young people with additional needs can display behaviours that might be confusing to those around them, as a way of communicating when their needs aren't being met. These behaviours might include things like:

  • physical or verbal outbursts that suggest that your child or young person is overwhelmed or distressed
  • behaviour such as licking, spitting, or removing clothes, which might suggest that they have unmet sensory needs
  • jumping, spinning or running, which might be their way of expressing joy or happiness, however appear challenging to others

When this happens, parents can feel isolated or judged by those around them. These behaviours can happen at any age or stage in a child's life and no-one is to blame.

When should I be concerned?

You know your child best; trust your instincts and seek help if you need it. Sometimes 'help' is about supporting the child and/or those around them to regulate themselves, and sometimes it is about helping everyone to understand what those behaviours are telling us.

All children show their anger or frustration sometimes. However, if you feel that they are showing these distressed behaviours more often, there is an unmet need that needs exploring.  

Getting support for you, your child and your family

Courses, workshops and self-help resources

There are many organisations in Hertfordshire which offer courses and workshops on topics such as healthy strategies for communication and self-regulation, and understanding anger. Most courses are free to Hertfordshire residents, and many are online. You'll also find practical help and strategies to try in our self-help resources section.

Find courses and workshops on the Local Offer

Find self-help resources to support your child or young person's behaviour

Speak to your GP

If you feel there may be an underlying cause to your child's behaviour, talk to your GP who can help with what to do next.

Visit your local Family Centre

You can get support for a child aged 0 – 11. Some family centres run courses on understanding behaviour.

View our mental health and wellbeing services

Sometimes distressed behaviour can be linked to an emotional or mental health difficulty.

Find your local carer's centre

Carers in Herts can give you practical support and a chance to share your experiences with others.

The Neurodiversity Support Hub

This is an advice service offering support, signposting and guidance about a whole range of things relating to ADHD and Autism.

Tips and advice from other parents

  • Try to focus on praising any and all good behaviour.
  • Give your child time and space to recover from distress wherever possible and safe to do so. 
  • Keep a diary of events and try to work out what the trigger is - what happened before the behaviour?
  • Give yourself more time when you're going places.
  • Look at the resources and courses on the Yvonne Newbold site.
  • Join parent support groups as you can learn so much from other parents going through the same things.
  • Recognise behaviours as communicating distress or unmet needs.
  • Empathise and help your child to feel safe in those moments.
  • Increase opportunities to connect with your child, rather than focussing on correcting behaviour.
  • Get support for yourself wherever you can, so that you have the energy to help your child.
  • Be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone on this journey.

"I thought the courses would be judgy and old fashioned, but actually they were ground breaking. That positive support language was amazing."

- Mum of young boy with Down's Syndrome

 

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Parents tell us that some of the most valuable support they receive is through closed facebook groups where parents and carers can ask for advice (anonymously if they'd prefer) and share and receive support from other parents and carers who are in similar situations.  There are many of these groups out there. Some Hertfordshire groups who support parents of children and young people with SEND are: Families in Focus,  SPACE, Add-Vance, or Angels.

Getting support for the whole family

When a member of the family is struggling to cope with life, and is displaying distressed behaviours, it can have a big impact on other members of the family too, including siblings. It can affect their wellbeing and mood, their social life, and their school work. Young Carers can offer social, emotional and practical support - and someone who will talk to them about their feelings and experience.

Support at school 

If your child is struggling at school, your first step should be to talk to your child's class teacher or to the school SENCo.

Every school should have their behaviour policy on their website. If you feel that the school is not following the guidelines in their policy, you can raise your concerns with your SENCo or Headteacher. If your child has special educational needs, they are entitled to reasonable adjustments to school policies.

In Hertfordshire we use a 'relational approach' to behaviour. This means we want schools to focus on building good relationships to help children feel happy, safe, and included:

  • Teachers try to understand and connect with children rather than 'correcting' them.
  • If there's a problem, everyone works together to resolve the conflict.
  • Schools should be kind and caring places where every child feels important.
  • Teachers, children, and families work together to solve problems.

This way, schools can help children behave better, feel more supported, and stay in school.

Family Support Workers

Some schools have Family Support Workers who are linked to the school, and work with families to support them in supporting their social and emotional wellbeing and behaviour at home. You can speak to your SENCo about whether you are able to get help from a Family Support Worker.

Speech, language, communication and autism team

Unmet communication needs can impact the way a child interacts with others. If others have difficulty in understanding your child when they are communicating their needs, the Speech, Language, Communication and Autism team may be able to help. Your SENCo can refer your child or young person to this team.

Services your child can be referred to

Families First

There are various teams who offer support to families in need. Contact the Customer Service Centre to see how you might get support.

CAMHS

CAMHS provide support to children and young people who are experiencing mental ill health. Contact their Single Point of Access to discuss your concerns.

PALMS

PALMS provide support to families of children/young people with Autism, Learning Disabilities and/or Mental Health difficulties, including help with behaviour.

Organisations that can help

The Challenging Behaviour Foundation

The Challenging Behaviour Foundation provide practical information for families and professionals about understanding and supporting children, young people and adults whose behaviour challenges.

Mencap: challenging behaviour and learning disability

Find advice and support from Mencap about behaviour and learning disability

National Autistic Society: behaviour

The NAS has a lot of information to help understand behaviour of children and adults with Autism.

Down's Syndrome Association: Understanding Behaviour

The Down's Syndrome Association offers information, advice, strategies (including Positive Behavioural Support) and courses for parents and carers of children with Down's Syndrome.