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Hertfordshire County Council

Children can be negatively affected where conflict between their parents is frequent, intense and poorly resolved.

But, we can make a difference. Where parents are supported to improve their relationship, they are often able to make positive changes that benefit their children.

 

Why relationships matter

How parents interact with each other, regardless of whether they are together or separated, has a big impact on their children.

Disagreements are completely normal, but regular conflict between parents can affect children negatively.

What parental conflict looks like

  • There is conflict between the parents which likely involves frequent, intense and poorly resolved disagreements. There may be a toxic atmosphere, parents might be emotionally unavailable to each other or feeling isolated.
  • Children are adversely affected by the conflict between their parents.
  • Parents are either living together or separated, and could be biological, step or adopted parents.
  • There is no consistent pattern of victim or abuser.
  • The family would not be considered to be experiencing ‘domestic abuse’, i.e. there is no physical violence, coercion or control.

Impact of parental conflict

Evidence shows that parental conflict can have a negative impact on children, particularly in terms of mental health, problems at school, sleep difficulties and poorer health. This is regardless of whether the parents are together or separated.

The risk of conflict between parents is higher at crucial points in family life, such as becoming pregnant, having a baby, a child starting or changing school, or separation and divorce.

More information

The Spectrum of Intimate Relationships (PDF 395Kb) shows the difference between parental conflict and domestic abuse.

You can find more information and evidence about parental conflict on the Reducing Parental Conflict Hub - Foundations.

You can read Hertfordshire’s Needs Analysis (PDF 163Kb) on parental conflict.

 

How to support parents in conflict

Talking about relationships

Routinely think about whether parents you come across might be in conflict, and talk to them about their relationships.  

You can use the Better relationships, better parenting toolkit (PDF 2.70MB) if you need help with managing these conversations. It contains useful information on signs to look out for, tips for talking about parents and how to provide initial support.

Quick guide to support

Use this quick guide (PDF 474Kb) to help you identify the level of needs of the parents you are working with and what type of support may be suitable for them.

Use this one-minute guide (PDF 196Kb) as a quick referrence tool for reducing parental conflict.

 

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