It's common for people who have fled a war zone to respond and act in ways that they would not normally do because of the impact of the trauma they have experienced. Not everyone fleeing from conflict will experience trauma and, if they do, the impact will vary. However, as it can affect day-to-day life, it's worth understanding a little about it.
For some sponsors, an improved understanding will help you to better support your guests. For others who are currently struggling to communicate with or understand their guests’ behaviour, having an insight into what is going on underneath might prevent or ease some tension in the house.
People living with trauma can experience anxiety, fear, irritability, guilt, shame, repeated re-experiencing of past events, mood swings and difficulty in regulating emotions. Concentration levels, judgement, and decision-making skills may also be affected. Often the coping mechanism for trauma is hyperarousal where the body’s nervous system is stuck in overdrive and they may have an exaggerated startle response, sometimes leading to angry outbursts.
Other coping mechanisms include avoidance and numbing, leaving people feeling disconnected and in disbelief. Many guests arrive and spend a lot of time in their rooms sleeping, in a ‘sitting staring at a wall’ type state, or are more generally unable to engage with their sponsors. For hosts who are new to dealing with people who have experienced trauma, this can understandably be misinterpreted as rude or lazy.
The main thing that will help you and them to navigate through these responses, is to take a step back and think about what might be going on for the guest. Try to stay calm as you work through any issues together.
Approaches that you can employ that will help include:
- predictability – this allows the person to feel safer
- perspective – being aware when the past is intruding into the present for your guest.
- space and patience – allowing the person time to calm down and take perspective, which can take longer for a person who has experienced trauma
- language – be cautious about using phrases such as ‘over-reacting’ or ‘over-sensitive’.
Your guest may want to talk about their experiences and you may feel worried about how to handle this. No one is expecting you to become an expert counsellor, or even to have these conversations if you are not keen. But if you do talk about their experiences, it will help to give your guest plenty of time.
Let them talk at their own pace and try not to pressure or rush them. Focus on listening and try to respect what they are choosing to share, rather than asking lots of questions. Try to accept their feelings and allow them to be upset about what has happened. Adopt the language that they use, for example, it is their choice whether to talk about they feel like a ‘victim’ or ‘survivor’.
Try not to dismiss their experiences, even in a well-meaning way, such as by telling them not to worry. Avoid blaming or criticising their reactions, even if you wonder why they didn’t do something differently or reacted in a way that you do not agree with. The reality is that they survived how ever they could at the time and, to some extent, are still trying.
The Flourish service, provided by the Mind Hertfordshire Network, can provide emotional and practical support for guest and hosts who may be finding the process more difficult than they anticipated. They can also provide information about local services, community resources, help with relationship breakdowns, and support with understanding and responding to cultural differences between guests and hosts.
Other practical support includes assistance and support with:
- Emotional wellbeing
- How to improve your health and wellbeing
- Support with job applications
- Help to reduce episodes of crisis
- Support with relationships with hosting families
- Drug and alcohol support
- Weekly peer support groups
About the Flourish service including how to get their help. Alternatively, you can call 0203 727 3600 to speak to a representative of Mind in confidence.
Young People’s Sanctuary
A new support service in Hertfordshire suitable for Ukrainian young people aged 11 to 16 yrs. The aim of the service is to create opportunities for young people seeking sanctuary in the UK to build support and friendship networks, reduce isolation and access activity sessions in the community. Contact youngpeoplessanctuary@barnardos.org.uk for more information.